The other Love of my life

Things are a little bit frustrating right now. I need a full time job as soon as possible. They say when life hands you lemons you are supposed to make lemonade. Well I would love some lemonade but lately sometimes it has felt more like life is handing me cans of tuna. I was craving lemonade. . . not tuna. I hate tuna.

At any rate. . .I have decided to write this post about the other Love of my life. As those who read this may or may not know, I am currently married to the Love of my life. His name is Michael, and we have been together for over 5 years.

There is another Love of my life. We have been together, oh I am not even sure how long she and I have been together. I must have first met her when I was a baby, and of course no doubt I loved her. . . but only as much as a baby could. I started to discover more about her as I aged, but still at 2 only so much can be known. I think I really first started loving her when I started elementary school. She was always there in my favorite class. She seemed to favor me too when it got down to it really. My love for her only grew as the years went on. I loved everything about her. In high school when I went through a lot, the boy I loved being gay and going to France, the fact that a guy was actually attracted to me when I was a junior in high school, having a rough relationship my senior year. No matter what happened in high school, she comforted me. There were times where I was under her spell and didn't even notice anything else in the world during those moments. In College, I got to spend even more time with her. But I must say there were times where it seemed to me that I had forgotten why I loved her, but that was just me being dumb. Sometimes focusing too much can make you forget the goodness that is there. There was, at one point, a very brief time my freshman year of college where I said, in a way that I hated her, but that was not her fault. That was due to circumstances, that really ended up for the better. Even now I find I cannot escape her embrace, and why would I want to? Every day I discover something new about our relationship and it is amazing. Who is this mystery woman you may ask? I am sure many of you already know. It is Music.

Music has been the Love of my life for as long as I can remember. All of that above is true. Why do I refer to Music as a she. It has to due with a song I learned in 4th grade for honors chorus, and sang again in middle school for honors chorus. It is apparently a poor translation of a song. I do not care though, I love it. These are the words:

"Art thou troubled? Music shall calm thee. Art thou weary? Rest shall be thine. Music, source of all gladness, heals thy sadness, at her shrine. Music, music ever divine. Music, music calleth, with voice divine. When the welcome spring is smiling all the earth with flowers beguiling after winters dreary rain. Sweetest Music doth attend her heavenly harmonies doth lend her, chanting praises in her train chanting praises in her train."

It repeats in various places. When I was younger I thought it was about someone who had loved a woman that had died and music was helping them get over it. Lately I realized the song is entirely about music, and Music is the she. She is not dead, she is just comforting this persons soul. Music has almost always comforted me that way. Particularly singing of course. If I am denied being able to sing. . . I literally, however ridiculous this is, start to well up in tears. I don't like it when people tell me not to sing. It hurts me. In my emotional heart it stings. It doesn't matter who or what circumstance, it hurts me.

Music is the most amazing thing in the world. It is the basis for whatever belief system I do have. I am a Music Therapist because I know Music does so much for me, I must use my talent and help it do things for others. I think perhaps I should post about why I am a Music Therapist. . . but that will have to be another time.

Dear Music,
After all these years, and all we have been through, I still love you just as much as when I was a babe and you first took me in your embrace. Thank you for all you have done, and do your best to never leave me.
Love, Mary Elisabeth.