Existence

As far as religion goes. . . I don't have  a name for mine. Really it is just an eclectic amalgamation of many ideas from many religions, and my brain. However, I was raised Christian. All my life in my mind I have talked to this companion, whom I call God. 

Yesterday as Mike and I were driving home from Kimberly and Will's place, cause it was an awesome Friday the 13th night of Chik Fil A and new Futurama, we were talking about just how terrible people are in the world. 

When I hear about how terrible humans can be, in my mind I have a conversation with that companion I call God.

It goes a lot like this.

"Why? Why did you put me on a place like this? Why did you put me on a place where it seems the majority of people are just awful. Why did you put me here when I know I am capable of so much more than them. Why did you put me in a creatures body that is incapable of so much? I know there are good people in the world. I realize that if I am good than I should use it to at least make the little bit of the world I can better. I know I cannot give up hope so easily. "

Like a good parent, God tends to let me figure things out on my own. (Don't worry I also know that parents need to teach kids things, but it is good to let them figure out as much as they can on their own.)  Which, ofcourse, leads to the question of the existence of this God being anyway. But that is the thing. I am not wondering about the existence of God. I don't need God to really exist. As long as I have that companion in my mind to talk things out with and sort things out. . . I don't get caught up in their existence. I get caught up in mine. Isn't that funny? Most people spend their life seeking to prove that there is a higher being. I don't need that. 

I want to know why I am here. I want to see what I can do for the world. 

My concern is not whether or not a higher being exists. My concern is why do I exist. Oh, and I do realize that there are quite a few other people who this is their concern. 

At the same time there is part of me that is scared to know why I exist, and scared to really reach my full potential for some reason. I think because I am comfortable where I am. Also I know that I am human and that I do have limitations and that is just as scary. I feel like I ought to be capable of anything, but at times I feel like the fact that I am a fleshy soft bony human. . . traps that so I can only get so far. 

Don't get me wrong bodies are awesome. But you have to admit, it does put a limit on what you can do. 

So I think the Llano for me, since I don't know that there is literally a song called the Llano, Piers Anthony may have made it up, the Llano for me is finding my full potential in this existence and finding what I can do to make the world a better place, at least by my standards. Even if it just means making you guys happy, amused, or even just making you think.